It's been a while since I've blogged. Life got away from me for a second, but I've had a lot on my mind. I've been researching spirituality a little bit more. I've actually meditated a few times, and I'm trying to open my chakras. The one I need open more than anything is my heart chakra. It's time for me to start breaking down my walls and let all my loved ones in again.
First and foremost I have got to call Crystal. It's been so long since I've talked to her it's embarrassing. I miss our talks and no one, I mean no one, understands me like she does. She is truly a kindred spirit to me. I've been an awful friend to her. I miss her so much though, but when I was going through my depression I didn't want to talk to anyone. I kept everyone away from me, including the one person in the world who I know would never have judged me and would have understood completely what I'm going through. I guess in a way I've been stalling because I just don't know what to say, except I'm sorry.
There's others on my list to contact, and I'm kind of nervous about it. I guess it's the fear of the same rejection I gave them. I am truly trying to change and I don't want to hurt anyone anymore. When you step back and see the error of your ways, it's very humbling. When I see all the people I've pushed away, it hurts more than anything. I feel guilt and shame. I'm tired of being depressed. I'm ready to get back to the old me. Until next time,
Peace and chicken grease.
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