Hey look at me bloggin!!

My first blog is actually something I just posted on Facebook and then it hit me.  I should totally blog.  So here it is.....  This one is called, "Looking Up".

After a year of being lost in the dark, I'm finally able to start putting everything behind me.  I never realized that it would be so hard to lose religion, but I finally got over the anger hump.  I'm so thankful for finding a community that has helped me through it.  If it wasn't for people like Jerry Dewitt and all the good people at Recovering from Religion I don't know what I would do.  I'm at a point now where I can speak openly about atheism without the anger and guilt consuming me.  Some people may think I was over reacting, and didn't understand why I couldn't just "get over it".  Well, it doesn't work that way, especially if one grew up in a religion like Pentecostalism.  I had to get over the guilt and fear of hell, along with letting go of all the shame that branch of Christianity pushes on people.  I never realized how damaging it was until I started letting go of it.  

Once I started doing my research, I stumbled upon a man named Jerry Dewitt who is an ex Pentecostal preacher who went through the same thing I am going through when he opened up about his doubts.  He and others like him have been such an inspiration to me.  Through them I have finally found an online community of people who are going through the same thing I am.  I don't feel alone anymore, and I finally have people who understand that despite my lack of belief, I'm not a bad person, the devil doesn't have a hold on me, I am still the same person I was before, I just had to let go of a certain part of me.  It's almost like a part of me died and I had to find a way to release myself from the dead weight - so to speak.  I know I torture people on here with my angry atheist memes, and yes, I do go overboard sometimes, but it was a way for me to release my rage.  When you start seeing the holes in everything you were taught to be truth, and when you start looking at life from a different perspective, it can be terrifying.  And trust me, it was.  And kinda still is.

I've had to learn how to live without god.  For some, it's simple.  For me, it was extremely hard.  But I'm doing it.  It took over a year to get over the first hump, but I did it.  The anger is fading away.  The shame is still there, along side the guilt, but I'm working on that too.  My new years resolution is to show people that although I don't believe in god, I can still be a moral person.  So, I guess that's step two.  Show the world that although I don't have god in my life, I can still have a purpose.  I can still raise a child properly.  Now more than ever I realize how much I need to give back to the community.  Before I had the excuse that even though I didn't give back, god would still love me.  Now that I let go of god, I see that I alone am responsible for the trail I leave behind me.  It's made me want to be a better person.  Some people find that in religion, I had to leave god to find it.  

I've finally accepted the fact that some people are just not going to understand where I'm coming from.  A life without religion is something they will never understand, and I have a feeling I'm going to be whispered about in certain circles for the rest of my life.  That's fine.  By all means do.  Please talk about how the devil has a hold of me and how evil I am and all that good stuff.  You won't be saying anything about me that I haven't thought about myself a million times.  If you no longer wish to associate with me, that's fine too.  One of the things RR has shown me is that people will leave you when you denounce god, but it's ok.  Life will go on and I'm planning on living the one life I have to the fullest since I have just this one shot and that's it.  

So thanks for taking the time to read, and feel free to comment if you want.  I encourage feedback, but beware, if you want to damn me to hell and go on a christian tirade, I will not be nice in my replies.  That's putting it as nicely as possible.  Other than that, have at it.  Love you all