Prayer.

I think the hardest thing for me to give up was prayer.  I prayed every single day for almost 30 years.  Even as I was coming out,  I was still praying out of habit.  Well, and fear too.  I was so afraid that something horrible was going to happen to someone close to me.  It was hard, but one night I decided to opt out on the prayer thing.  I was off the next day, and not really planning on going anywhere, so in a way it was like a controlled experiment.  The next day, nothing happened.  Nothing.  So, I tried it the next night  and the next and so on and so forth.  I'd say it's been at least four or five months since I've done it.  It's very liberating.

I honestly used to dread it really.  I would never go to sleep without praying.  It was like a chore more than anything.  So, I stopped.  It's kind of scary sometimes, not having that imaginary protection that prayer gives, but all in all everything is ok.  Accidents happen.  Emergencies happen. It doesn't matter how much you pray and ask god for safety, shit's gonna happen.

Another thing that is REALLY hard to stop doing is telling someone who is going through a tough time that I'll pray for them.  Now, don't get me wrong, if someone says it to me, I don't take offense because I know that it's their way of saying, "Hey, I'm thinking about you".  It's just hard to stop saying it to other people, but I'm learning new ways to express my condolences without it.

Plus, I've always wondered exactly how many people actually do pray for someone when they say they will...I know I never did...I'd always forget.  (Sad I know, but hey I'm being honest here).

So I try to say more things like, "I'm keeping you in my heart" or something like that.  It actually means more because I actually mean it, instead of saying I'm going to pray for someone and then don't.

I hope this all made sense, I'm fighting a 13 month old for the keyboard.  Until next time.

Peace and chicken grease.